Dreams And Anguish Bring Us Together
by MsLanna
Summary: Haleen helps Theta Squad out of a tight situaion and gets herself into one. Two Part. Title-quote by Eugene Ionesco.
1. Dreams

**Timeframe:** Clone Wars  
**Characters:** Haleen, Theta Squad  
**Genre:** Drama, Action  
**Summary:** Haleen gets Theta Squad out of a tight situation and herself into one.  
**Notes:** Written of the OCDB June Challenge: We all have those moments of quietness, downtime, reflectiveness where we appreciate the small things. A hug, a gentle look, something mushy and sweet to make us go "awwww" and yet not such that we collapse from groan inducing sweetness.  
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Dreams…

He looked so young. Haleen was tempted to follow that white line running from his temple to his chin. _So young._ But she would not wake him now that he had finally found sleep. Instead, she ran her hands over the white helmet, replaying the evening in her head. Everything had gone better than expected, though it had been much more difficult, too.

Ice might not be happy separated from his team, but she certainly felt uneasy around them. Even if 'around them' meant that they were klicks away, and she was only haunted by their voices. Their voices, Ice's voice, it was all so disorienting.

_--_

_"Ice here, relaying visual to your HUD."_

_"__What happened to your comm, Eyes?"_

_"Got a nice friendly Keldabe Kiss from mother earth herself."_

_"Can't get enough of her, can you? Is there one mission you ever finished without being injured?"_

_"Cut it Gob, this isn't the time."_

_"I'll have it repaired soon as we're home again."_

_"Nice view you have there, Eyes, care to show us around?"_

_--_

She liked Ice; he was calm, determined, and even wounded as he was, unstoppable. Pulling his blanket a little higher, Haleen wished, he would stay longer, much longer. But the spark in his eyes when he talked of his brothers, told her that nothing could ever keep him. She had not seen them yet. Mirsh, Gan, Gob - they were only names. Ice, on the other hand, Ice was real.

And so was his pain, and his desperate need to get his job finished. They relied on him, and he would not - _would not_ - disappoint them. They were his brothers, his family, his _vode_, whatever that meant. Haleen hugged herself. He had not disappointed them. It had been hard work, confusing without end, and exhausting. Rocking on her heels, she watched the sleeping man. _How did he manage?_ He looked so young.

He did not look so young when he was awake, his eyes were much older, they had seen too much. And too little. They seemed wide and surprised where she was concerned, as if he had never seen a human before, as if he had never seen a woman before. She knew now, he hadn't. It didn't matter. She had seen plenty of men already, and it hadn't made any difference either.

_--_

_"Don't squirm like that. Does it hurt?"_

_"No, ma'am."_

_"What? What? On my shirt? But there's nothing on - oh. They're not dangerous, you know."_

_"Yes, ma'am, our training never -"_

_"It's okay, I'm not offended. Just try to sit still. Please?"_

_--_

Finally, she gave in, touching his face ever so lightly. And he did not wake up. Haleen, was not sure if she was worried or delighted. She was not a danger anymore. Not that it would matter for long. Tomorrow, just after dusk, the team would strike, and Ice would be with them. Running her hand through his hair she sighed. But nothing could hold him.

The squad had all the recce they had wanted and then some. Ironically, the extra had come much easier. The Separatist soldiers did not believe in keeping their compound clean themselves. And for a woman, it was easy money. Haleen knew how to handle a broom. She did not know how to handle a HUD. She hadn't been too keen on it either.

It seemed normal enough if you only put the helmet on, interesting view, red blinking dot in the corner. But once she blinked as ordered, hell broke loose. There were nauseatingly many lights and transparent screens, data feeds and displays. She had pulled the helmet off quickly and ran outside, vomiting into the ditch.

_--_

_"How do you stand it?"_

_"We are trained for it, bred for it."_

_"It makes me all dizzy, how do I navigate this jungle?"_

_"With your eyes, you have to be fast and concentrated."_

_"Sure do. Good thing I will only need comms and visuals."_

_"You only have today."_

_"Okay, how do I relay visuals, again?"_

_--_

The training must have been hard, very hard - and beyond humane. Haleen saw it, as she watched him sleep fitfully, knew it by the anguished words he said it is sleep. She felt it, watching his nightmares. Haleen had spent two nights watching Ice sleep, and his nightmares had been terrible. There was a pattern to them, though Haleen did not understand what a _Vau_ was, and how it could frighten a grown man like that.

Ice was afraid to fail, afraid of what _Vau_ would do to him if he dared to fail, scared for himself, but also for his brothers. He was mightily attached to them; and he seemed to have nothing else. _He could, though._ Her hand rested against his cheek. If he wanted, he could have more. All he had to do was return after the war. Stay alive. _Stay_.

Haleen was not sure if he'd want to, though. She remembered coming back and seeing him up. It was a great sight. Ice looked much less drawn and pale; he didn't seem to be in pain anymore. And more than eager to return to his brothers. It was all he could think of.

--

_"I feel fine."_

_"You will be there tomorrow, when they need you."_

_"Yes!"_

_"Whoa, whoa! Put me down again. Please. Was that you knee buckling right there?"_

_"I doesn't hurt."_

_"Maybe you should rest some more. I can do the rounds and you storm in tomorrow evening."_

_"I can't abandon -"_

_"You won't. You'll be there when it matters."_

_"..." _

--

He was all contradictions. Haleen sighed and sat down cross-legged, the helmet in her lap. He was a soldier, strong and independent, nothing beyond him. And at the same time, he seemed to be a child, happy about the most trivial things, food, friends, her. His wonder at things she had always considered most normal was touching, and his confidence as a soldier was rather attractive.

She settled down to watch over him, her elbows set on the helmet, her chin in her hands. Those reece runs always made her body boil with adrenaline, and it would take time to ebb off. She didn't mind. It was more time to spend on Ice.

She knew she would miss him.

And she also knew there was nothing she could do. Tomorrow, he would pick up his gear, don his armour and walk out on her as if she never happened. _But now,_ she smiled to herself, _right now, that didn't matter. For tonight, he was all hers._


	2. And Anguish Bring Us Together

... And Anguish Bring Us Together

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_Darkness. Silence. Pressure. Unable to move, but nothing seems broken. What happened? But it's okay, isn't it? Why can't I see? I should be able to. And hear, there should be sound, even if everything around me was silent. Am I dead? Are they?_

.

He was dead when she came back from the recce run. Haleen opened the door, ready to jump at Ice and tell him how well everything had gone. She had expected him to be restless, pacing the small room.

Instead, he was dead.

The young woman knelt at his side for the longest time, not knowing what to do. He had been bursting with life when she had left, almost impossible to hold down. After the days of painful headaches and resting his knee, he had been well again. Haleen still remembered his grin, that childlike expression of happiness, just knowing that he would be back when his brothers needed him. She had flung her arms around him, and Ice had whirled her through the air; such strong arms. But his leg had wobbled, and they had decided, he better stay put until the real mission began. He had been so carefree, as if it would be a simple reunion, not a mission that could end with his death.

It would not be his death now, he was dead already.

No matter if she squeezed her eyes shut or opened them wide, the image did not go away. Ice; unmoving, cold as his name. Dead. She could not wrap her mind around it. _How? Why?_ Haleen had no answers. He had been on the mend when she last saw him. Maybe it was something internal, something she had missed. How could she have missed it? And what now?

Her fingers trembled when she finally touched him. She had longed to touch him, but Haleen had imagined things to be a bit different. She had imagined him to be alive for one thing.

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_But what does that matter. We're all dead sooner or later. Don't feel dead. Everything seems fine; pinned, but fine. That was a big crash, right there, probably Theta wreaking havoc as planned. Should have gotten the whole plan before barraging in like that. But then, I didn't intend to. Really! Too bad._

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A small wooden cross stood shakily on the small hill of fresh earth. In crude letters the words 'A Friend' had been carved into it, that was all. The wind caught the wooden structure, as if trying to pry it loose.

_This is so wrong,_ Haleen thought. There should be music, parading soldiers, flags, a speech. But Haleen had no flag. She had sung a song, saluted as well as she could and had lowered him into the shallow pit. It was wrong to bury him with nothing but the touch of her hands.

But she needed the suit, the armour, the whole frigging heavy gear. Because Ice would not be going anywhere, and there was only one person around who could help Theta. It was not a conscious decision, and certainly not one Haleen had thought through. It was only the urge to help those who Ice loved so much.

_Do something for the dead man, because - because he's dead and I love him._

Haleen stood at the grave, staring into the void. The armour felt strange, it did not fit her well. It was a lousy disguise, but people tended to see what they expected and her chances were better like this. She moved her shoulders uneasily, the armour was heavy. And she wore several pairs of socks to keep her feet from tottering around in the boots.

Haleen pulled the helmet over her head, sealing the suit. An eerie silence fell over her as her field of sight first shrank and then expanded. Two hours until the assault. She hoped, she would manage the distance with the extra weight. But carrying it any other way had proved impossible. Haleen sighed, wriggling her toes in the ocean of socks.

"See you soon." She touched her fingertips to the helmet before she turned and trudged off.

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_Must be the armour. Frigging durable, that stuff. And about as heavy, no wonder Ice was all muscle. Wonder if the others are, too. Mirsh, Gan, Gob. Names, only names, and no faces. Voices on the comm. Wonder where they are. Wonder, if they made it. Hope so. Really, really hope so. They did cost me my innocence, after all._

.

As expected, there were only two guards on top of the base. This was a quite place, not much activity, and putting a base up here was somehow - unreal. But there it was and there they were. Haleen shifted her weight minimally. The edge of Ice's armour bit into her ribs as she lay flattened against the ground. At least, the well muscled build of Ice allowed for most of her female forms to fit under the breast plate. She just wished for another layer of fat to soften the edge of it as it poked her belly painfully, not designed to be tilted like this.

_Concentrate_, Haleen chided herself.

It was difficult to aim the weapon while looking through the helmet. The targets were tiny to the eye and when she tried to use her HUD for a zoom and still align the weapon with her eyes, she became nauseous. Haleen sighed and lowered the gun for a moment. She did not have much time left. _Do, or die trying, what did you expect?_

Raising the weapon again, the young woman braced for the sickness, aiming at the further guard. Suddenly, the HUD jumped to life. Haleen inhaled sharply, as her vision was overlaid with the aim of her gun. Suddenly, she could see the targets clear as daylight and it was more a matter of her managing to down both before the other noticed.

_Concentrate!_

Quiet descended on her, as she bent her finger around the trigger. Haleen had never felt so calm before. This was killing in cold blood.

_One down, one to go._

With the overlaid sight, it was almost easy to target the second soldier. Her finger pulled tight.

"Thetas, ready to go. Both guards down, repeat, both guard down."

"Copy, Eyes. Going in. See you there."

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_Can't see anything. Should be impossible. Fried the HUD, most likely. Silly me. Never was good at thinking. Or fighting. Good thing I'm stuck, actually. All systems down, end of the road. Just relax, this ain't gonna take forever._

.

A red thread ran through the floor plans of her HUD, and there was nothing to do but follow. Haleen ran as fast as she could, but her breath rasped in her ears. The gear was just too heavy. She did not want to shoot people now. It was one thing, when they were far away, just icons on the display, or if they looked at you with their eyes wide. Haleen had taken to the only strategy she knew, yelling madly and waving her arms wildly as she ran.

There was some effect to it, which was that she encountered almost nobody. But by then, the rest of Theta Squad had breached the base as well, and they were a much bigger threat than her. Haleen wondered if the Separatist soldiers had known. How could they, though, seeing only the armour, not what was inside. Still the Thetas were much more effective than her, being used to this kind of operation, and actual soldiers of the GAR. It was just as well that more soldiers had gone to intercept them than bothering with her.

_I am not sure I could shoot them fair and square._ Haleen turned another bend. The red thread was coming to an end, but it did lead through one last door. There were people in that room, living breathing people. They knew she was coming, though they expected a fully trained Republic Commando, not a girl that would rather have talked her way out of this. If there had been a way.

But it was too late for that. She approached the communications centre at high speed and if she didn't take it out, nobody would. _Nothing to be done about it._ Haleen memorised the positions of the target in the room and worked out the easiest way to get them all. Only trying would tell if it worked. At least, she would not have to find out that it hadn't.

The doors burst open after a salvo from her gun, and Haleen jumped over the debris still firing. Her grip on the weapon was tentative at best, but she tried to hit all the positions while in the air. With her other hand she grabbed an EMP, armed it and loped it into the room over her back as she dived behind the closest desk. There was no return fire as she crashed to the ground.

The world flared up in light and white noise.

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_Theta Squad. They were probably all alive still. Their icon views were in the HUD all the time, until I loped off that EMP. Stupid idea, really, when the helmet was mostly electronics itself. Did they think I was dead? Did they think, Ice was dead? Probably._

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_Should not have hidden behind that desk afterwards._ It was not only bad manners to let others fight when you were still capable to do so, but she had also been a sitting duck. And now she was here. _Wherever that was_. The last thing Haleen remembered was an enormous crash and pressure closing in on her from all sides. She could not hear anything now. She could not see anything, and try as she might, she could not move either. _End of the road._ But then, Haleen had expected things to end like this.

All she could do was relay a visual and comm her squad. _Her squad? No, his squad_. They were Ice's brother, and his eyes glowed when he talked about them. He had talked about them a good lot, because it distracted him from the pain, and Haleen liked his voice. _Ice could have read the international shipping regulations, it wouldn't have mattered._

She had taken everything he had. Haleen swallowed. She hadn't wanted to, it had just kinda happened. But now he had nothing, not even a proper grave, not even his gear, not even his brothers to mourn him. Looking up, there was no sky to be seen, just tiny red dot. _Not dead yet._ Haleen held her breath. Did that mean she showed on Theta's HUDs? Would they come searching? _Was that right?_

She could not help anybody in this war; she had been unable to help Ice, even. _Dead and buried; him and me, too_. It had been a good plan. Somehow. Somewhen. Haleen didn't mean to, but the tears rose in her eyes, making her blink rapidly. The mayhem of the HUD broke loose over her again. Haleen took a ragged breath, trying to regain her self-control. Sounds filtered through the HUD, and she knew that if she opened her eyes - _It should be Ice._

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_I don't belong here!_

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"So there you hide, _vod_." A white armoured arm reached down. Haleen took it automatically and was pulled up so fast; she almost flew into the other two troopers.

"You're in quite a hurry, aren't you?"

"Sorry." She caught her balance, leaning on Gob's arm.

"You did have us worried, Eyes." It was probably Mirsh. "Disappearing like that in the middle of the battle."

"Not to mention in the middle of recce," Gob poked his elbow into her armoured ribs.

"Used an EMP to disable the command centre," Haleen, apologized. "Should have warned you, I know the HUD doesn't like electromagnetic shocks."

"Aw, you're back." Gan, took her arm and Haleen felt her throat tighten. She would have to be fast now, act immediately, get that helmet off, tell them -

Gan, crushed her against him. "Welcome back, _ner vod_."

"Yeah, don't you pull that one on us again," Gob chimed in, pulling her right from Gan.

It was overwhelming, even Mirsh, grabbed her in short bear hug, their armour resounding loudly.

"_Vode an_," she whispered, helpless to do anything but return the hugs.

* * *

Medical note: All I know about cerebral haemorrhage is from Martin Scorsese's 'Jesus of Montreal'. Sorry about that.


End file.
